I hope Ke$ha knows that Jack stains your teeth, I recommend Jager..

Guess which oraphis I can write with, I'll give you a hint; It's not my mouth.

The more I review my to-do list the more I believe I have one of those alternative life styles.
1.  full Brazilian wax
2. condoms-lots of em'
3. easy clean upholstery covers
4.bananas
5. tequila
6. chap stick
7. fuzzy hand cuffs
8. Darly s&m gag
9. break away jeans (do they make those?)
10. toilet paper

Huh, you'd think I'd be bow legged by now.

He was so sloppy and all over the place, oh well

Stroke victims get hot and bothered too.

I was given a ticket by a police officer for PDA, I should take this to court, it wasn't a public display of affection; I was working.

Men can be assholes, they think all woman are after is money.
That's not true, we also like semi-precious stones.